most amazing thing ever...

Constantly my heavenly Father is looking out for me and truly knows my thoughts and the inner most workings of my heart.

Explanation....

This past week since Monday I have been having a rough time at school. For one thing i go all the way out to Norco RCC for this winter intersession, and am away all day. i feel like i have lost connections with people since i only see some people on Sundays. I see Peter everyday with out fail and since we have been together i think we have gone maybe a grand total of like 7 days all together with out seeing each other at least once in a day. crazy huh? anyway, i have been having a hard time being alone at a school where i know absolutly no one, and feel distanced from Peter because we dont even have anything planned when we both get home around 530 or 6... we just know we want to be around each other. i love that. just being around him. he lights up my day. so i have been thinking that i wasnt doing so well in the being a nice person department and there are reasons for that. i just havent felt up to it. so just when i thought i was being left alone and no know understands me or appreciates me, and after venting to my LoLo [Laura, a simply wonderful daughter of our Heavenly Father] that i just needed to be shown that someone loves me [selfish i know], Peter came to pick me up so we could go watch something funny at his house so i could laugh. He gave me some books i had left in his car and had been freaking out earlier in the day, and i noticed his hand was behind his back. i took the books from him and he told me he had something else for me.

i have never had my heart stutter or skip a beat before, but now i can tell you it did. i KNEW what he had.

not even 5 minutes before that i had been talking to LoLo about boys and Flowers.

he pulled out from behind his back a Single Red Rose all wrapped and tied with a little red Ribbon. my heart was full and it really proved to me that my heavenly father loves me enough to pay attention and knows what i need. it was not the material thing [THE ROSE] but the meaning behind it. it meant to me that Peter loved me enough to take time to think about me and go pick it up and surprise me with it. i have never been so happy in my life. =] He is the most amazing boyfriend ever and i love him 3 dollars worth... (maybe ill tell you how that came to be... its been in my family for years =] )




do not doubt that the Lord knows what you need.

the new President....

These are the lyrics to a song by Canadian punk band Propaghandi, sums up how I feel pretty well....


THE STATE-LOTTERY
"Does it seem strange to you? The confetti. The balloons. The mile-wide grins and the victory dance to welcome in the heir to a state of (utter and complete) disrepair? Because it sure seems strange to me: they’re acting like they won the fucking lottery! I mean, shouldn’t they feel terror at the task that lies ahead: to feed and house the people that this system’s left for dead. And could I have hit the nail much harder on the head? It’s profits before lives. They are motivated by greed. First they taught us to depend on their nation-states to mend our tired minds, our broken bones, our bleeding limbs. But now they’ve sold off all the splints and contracted out the tourniquets and if we jump through hoops then we might just survive. Is this what we deserve? To scrub the palace floors? To fight amongst ourselves? As we scramble for the crumbs they spit out, frothing at the mouth about the scapegoats that they’ve chosen for us. With every racist pointed finger I can hear the goose-steps getting closer.
They no longer represent us so is it not our obligation to confront this tyranny?"

amazing people in my life....

* Peter, i love him so much and eventually we will be married and sealed in the Newport Temple. He is the love of my life and is so good to me. he calls me beautiful and secretly i love it. he is so handsome to me and i love just looking at him. he makes me feel good about my self and i love just being around him. he is the only one i want to be around sometimes because he makes everything at ease when he is just there. =D




*Kayleigh, she keeps me strong when things get hard and is always there to listen to me rant and rave and babble about nonsense, but in the end she is a true and amazing friend to me and truly my sister at heart...




*RAE, my sister, she is the one that i have always been close too and love to talk to because she never fails to make me laugh. she can make me cry and then turn around a little while later and make up for it by being her nerdy self and laughing it up with some silly movie quote. i never get tired of it



* Tanya, my mom, has been there for me and put up with so much, sometimes i get a little tired of the nagging but i suppose she has to get in as much as she can before i leave for good and she cant boss me around anymore.. she has stuck her neck out for me and helped me when i was at an all time low and never thought anything of it...

i am really appreciative of all of these people. =]

day at Oceanside =]

school, and life...

I get up at 5 (maybe 530 when i am extra tired) and am out the door and on the way to take my sister to seminary by 6:10, then its on the freeway for the 30 minute drive to school... Yep I go to RCC Norco. I have a class at 7:35 in the morning which gives me time to sit and read for a little before class. then I have from 10 until 2:50 when my next class starts. That class is over at 5 and then its time to jump back on the freeway to come home. I get home by like 6, maybe 6:15... depending on how bad traffic is. When i get home it seems like i don't have enough time to spend with Peter [who i absolutely want to be with] and or my Mom and Sister. its hard to divide my time but the way i see it, my mom and sister have had me for a long time and now its time to give me up to someone who is wonderful.

Today i got to talk to Kayleigh, my sister from another Mister... haha, she is absolutely amazing, and wonderful and just all around who i would like to emulate on day! She is coming down here to CALI with her roommate from USU and I am super Excited to see her and excited to meet her roommate! [Rachel, or Rachael?] its going to be a great weekend! =]

“Every man is afraid of something. That's how you know he's in love with you; when he is afraid of losing you.”

and this one

“Love is saying 'I feel differently' instead of 'You're wrong.'”

and this one

“The worst thing you can do for love is deny it; so when you find that special someone, don't let anyone or anything to get in your way.”

another one...

“Love is what makes two people sit in the middle of a bench when there is plenty of room at both ends”

i agree... =]

i came across this quote and i agree with it =]... i like to think that this is how i am...or at least i know it is how i want to be


“I don't pretend to know what love is for everyone, but I can tell you what it is for me; love is knowing all about someone, and still wanting to be with them more than any other person, love is trusting them enough to tell them everything about yourself, including the things you might be ashamed of, love is feeling comfortable and safe with someone, but still getting weak knees when they walk into a room and smile at you.”

do you remember when,

life was so simple? when all we had to worry about was whose drive way we were going to play with chalk on, or were we going to ride our bikes really really fast down the street or just kinda slow, or how many times around the neighborhood we were going to go. i remember one of the biggest things was trying to decide whose house we would play Barbies at. i had a big collction and cars and a HUGE house my dad made for me, but my friend Missy, had about the same if not bigger collection. each one of us always wanted to play with the other persons Barbies at their house. i sure do miss the simple days. now kids are having to figure out Wii systems and as they get older are now being introduced to mroe and more awful things. i wish we could go back a few years...

Earthquakes

tonight while i was at LoLos house there was an earthquake. it shook from the bottom of the house and i could hear it rumbling before i felt it. i thought someone was jumping on the stairs before i realized what it was.

earthquakes scare me but i never told too many people becasue i dont want them to say, "oh suck it up, its not like the earth is going to open up and swallow you" becasue that may just happen.. .you dont know... they are just scary and i kind of freak out inside... i got im my car to leave and started crying while i was driving and i dont know why. i just know that i wanted to be with peter at that moment, but he was across town and i guess was checking on baby sara, making sure she was ok, when i had to ask him if he was ok,i just wanted to say to him that i felt so alone. but i didnt because i didnt want him to worry about me. i try to be tough...

but anyway i just dont like earthquakes...

New year... still same ole me...

Isn't it funny how at the beginning of the New Year everyone has plans to change themselves so they can be better, or so they wont be the same as last year?
I enjoy being myself. I don't change for anyone and when I do change it is for me. =] When I look around at all the people I used to know in 2008, I am sad to say that I don't talk to, or would rather not talk to. that is one change I had to make. you can never hang out with people who bring you down. Some of them I had gone through some hard times in my life and helped with hard times in their lives. I sometimes think that I end up being the better friend, only because I know in my heart that my intentions are in the right place. sounds like I am tooting my own horn huh? I'm not trying to, but I do realize that after being a friend to someone who doesn't ever let you know that they appreciate what you do, and always take and take and take, that that is not a healthy type of person to be around. I have always been a giver. I will give until the day that I die. I have a lot of love in my heart and have a hard time telling people NO. I want to please everyone. I always have.

this is a random thought, but I was watching a movie recently, and a man bought a bouquet of flowers for this girl, someone he had been friends with for along time, and I was trying to think in my head, was it a special holiday? why did he buy her flowers? turns out he was just so happy that she had come home from a trip and wanted to give her something nice. how sweet is that? I don't think men should buy their girls flowers all the time but every once in a while it is nice. to show how much someone means to you that you thought of them when you saw a flower. Flowers are delicate and sweet. I intend to surround my home with flowers because they have been known to change the mood of the room. I want my home to be light and full of love. what a special way to make it like that. if everyone just had flowers what a wonderful day I believe we would have. =]

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

2009, this is going to be a good year i can feel it =]