Void...

i feel empty.

i feel sad.

i feel like crying.

i feel like screaming.

why do i feel that way?

all day i have had the feeling that something was wrong. i was snapping at my mom, [which is something i never do... how can you snap at someone who has done everything in their power to help you and keep you safe from harm? besides she is my only best friend i have right now] and just felt sick to my stomache.

then i got a call. from someone i wish was no longer on this earth. yes i do feel that way about one person and ONE person alone. it made me feel better to finally understand why i had been feeling this way ALL day.


ever feel like you only constantly hurt people? i do. it seems the harder i try not to hurt people or hurt their feelings, the worse i do. i am the tpe of person that is always thinking things out in advance and i always think way far ahead in the future. USUALLY. sometimes i dont and then i realize OH CRAP this isnt going to be good. then i have to go through the broken stage becasue i failed to protect someone elses feelings. you have no idea what that does to me. it seems like i am forever saying "im sorry" to others. it gets to be hard sometimes but i am the one who will keep saying im sorry. its just how i am.