chapter One!!!

FRIENDS... real... and So-called....

i have had to struggle all my life with who i can call my real friends and who are not my real friends. i feel at this point there are some "moles" if you will in my little garden of friends... my mom has always told me to be friends with someone a year before i call them a "friend" because a Frind is a person on whom you can rely in the hardest of times and have near in the lightest of times. they hold the candle in the dark times and offer shade when the sun is beating down to hard upon you. a friend is one who holds things private which are said between them. they comfort you and allow themselves to be trusting enough in you that you might comfort them when they stand in need of it also.
there has always been someone that i have given MULTIPLE chances too and now i cannot pretend that they are my friend. any time they come around they bring the spirit of contention with them and there always ends up being drama when they are close. this person is conniving, mean, rude, jealous, false, over dramatic, melodramatic, depressed, self centered, self procalimed "tell you to your face and not behind your back", backstabbing, bipolar, relationship [not romantic but friendship] wrecker.

now that i have gotten out how i semi really feel about that person i need to say that i have given this person alot of chances to be friends. and everytime i end up with some kind of drama in my life. im 21 and i dont need drama in my life. i am an adult and wish that all of the people who are the same age as me [give or take a year or two older] would act as adults. its kind of lame that they cant...

I am willing

AM

willing to lose "friends" over this. if i cant trust you and i have tried to for years, what is the point of continuing on like this? I am barely 21 and have alot going for me right now. i have alot going against me with out adding this to my plate... so i wont. i am ending it. I have chosen not to share all the information in my life with these people, as they have done with me... so i do not feel bad about not letting them know all the intimate details of the trials thati have been placed in charge of. they do not openly tell me about their problems and i do not ask. i want them to feel that they trust me enough to tell me not that i have to come seek your problems out of you. that makes no sense to me. EVERYONE should know this about me, [ and if you dont then either you do not know me vey well or you are blind! ] if you come and ask me what is going on i will mostl ikely tell you a little bit becasue i feel its rude to leave you in the dark. maybe if i trust you really well, i will tell all but so far that has hasnt happened with but about 4 of my friends. not any of the people i was tlaking about earlier of course, but the people who are also being attacked. we have all felt like this but it sems i have patience enough but not enough. i do not like things left unsaid and i cant stand for things to go on by the wayside. sorry that is just me. these are my feelings on that. sorry if you dont agree...


this is only one SHORT chapter into what life has been like for me this past few weeks....
tomrrow ill write out another or mybe later tonight... they wont be in order mind you as blogger doesnt allow me to organize my thoughts better... =]